Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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