Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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