I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
