that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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