I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
