Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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