meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
His hands were made for my vagina.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
