Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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