Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
