We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
