I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
