I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
