she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
