He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
