so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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