JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
