i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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