you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Someone signed my nipple.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
