There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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