I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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