people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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