Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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