Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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