ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
