i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
