Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
