i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
