yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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