Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
