I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
