Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
