i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
