I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
