She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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