I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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