Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
