I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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