I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
