Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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