Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
