Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
