he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
