i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
