We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
What a fucking waste of an outfit
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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