When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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