Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
