I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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