dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
