she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
