I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
