A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
how drunk are you?
Several
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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